Today marks the anniversary of Jessica McCloud’s nativity, or the start of the A.G.C. calendar. What year are we on, you ask? Whichever one you feel allows you more freedom to party like it’s 0 A.G.C. Or 21 A.G.C.
Here are some recommendations for how you can celebrate the birth of God’s only begotten daughter (that are things you might want to do anyway):
- Drink a Dos Equis on the couch while watching TV. When you’re done, drink another.
- Watch a nature documentary narrated by David Attenborough
- Pretend to smite a grackle
- Explore your body in a private setting
- Found a church
- Treat yourself to a brinner (breakfast for dinner) of gluten-free pancakes and Jimmy Dean sausage
- Gift a Jessica Christ book to a friend on Amazon
- Get high and toss around a football
- Make out with your significant other in a truck bed
- Watch a Kenneth Branagh film
- Leave a review for your favorite Jessica Christ book
- Make condom balloon animals
- Listen to Dave Matthews Band (to listen to the Spotify playlist I listened to while writing Nu Alpha Omega, click here)
- Shout the words “Jessica Christ!” in a crowded room (I promise it’s fun)
- Do something nice for someone else who probably doesn’t deserve it
The possibilities are endless. Mix and match, if you like. Personally, I’ll be doing most of these (not saying which ones, though).
But it isn’t really about sticking to the books. It’s about using the books as an excuse to indulge yourself in a way that doesn’t harm others. So let me know in the comments how you plan on celebrating.
Sumus omnes porcos,