Launched another one of these today:
One question: What in the fiery flying fuck?
Waking up with my head pounding, wondering what happened the night before, feeling shame, embarrassment, trepidation, asking myself where I go from here—this used to be a situation only copious doses of alcohol could usher into my life. Granted, there was a little bit of wine involved last night and maybe that’s why I’m still feeling nauseated, but probably not. Continue reading
Last night was a ruff night.
Oh wait, you don’t get the joke because you don’t know.
I slept at the dog park. Let me explain. Continue reading
When you subscribe to stock photo sites, sometimes you can become desperate in your attempt to find the perfect image. Nothing seems right, and before you know it, you’ve slipped down a search term rabbit hole that is dark and fearsome.
That’s how I ended up searching for “sexy, rugged man.” And boy did Big Stock deliver. Boy, oh boy. And by deliver, I mean help me to discover THE sexy, rugged man. The one of whom the scrolls have foretold. BEHOLD! No matter what variety of rugged man you desire, Sexy Rugged Man has you covered! Continue reading
I had a pretty solid morning—productive, social, healthy. But now I’m wondering if I died at some point between when I left the house and when I arrived at Barnes & Noble for coffee… like a real asshole. Who meets for coffee at B&N in a town where, like, 90% of the businesses are locally owned coffee shops? This mastermind asshole, that’s who. Today was forecasted to be the perfect traffic storm of Friday + SXSW + Obama’s motorcade, so I thought, Where can I go suck on some caffeine without having to fight off a bunch of hipsters who want to talk about vinyasa yoga and Grandpa Bernie? See? Now you get it. I’m a genius. Continue reading
Oprah’s been making her list of favorite things for years, and I think it’s finally time someone stop her. Things have gotten out of hand. You ask the average person to list off their five favorite things they own, and “truffle” will probably not make the list. For the average person, her favorite things are those that keep her from wanting to just sort of lie down in the middle of her gross, carpeted living room floor, hoping that no one finds her there while she waits for God to give her a sign—any sign—that there exists a reason to get up off the ground. Right? I feel like that’s right. Continue reading